Chronicles of a Polish Gypsy

Farewell for now

2009-01-17T02:49:00.000-08:00

Well, it is clear that this blog is no longer active. If motivated, I will one day resume posts, but in the meantime, it would be better to try and keep up with Maggie (Shannon) and I through her facebook page. Thank you, and goodnight.

News of the Step-sister

2007-12-18T21:41:00.000-08:00

Danya is her name, and getting her BS in English is the game. That's right! Hot off the press is news of Danya's recent graduation.

The standard questions apply: What will she do now? What sort of job is she looking for? Will she continue with school? Rumor has it she may continue her education,... but that's just rumor.

The family is proud, and we look forward to great things from her. Congrats Sis!

For more details, you may want to visit Danya's blog. Find her site in my links to the right--->

Halloween 2007, Party #3

2007-11-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, as I stated in a previous post, I had a cold and couldn't go to Party #3. So Maggie and I holed up at home and she greeted all the trick-or-treaters on this Halloween night. I sat on the couch and watched 28 Weeks Later.

I took a nifty photo of a cat on a window sill.

We had one of the best decorated houses in the suburb. We had so many treaters come by, that Maggie had to restort to handing out power bars, energy gel packs, and protein mix packets.

Halloween 2007, Party #2

2007-11-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Maggie and I had a party out our house for three reasons:

1. Her birthday had occured recently.

2. My birthday was occuring the next day.

3. It was close to Halloween.

We managed to cram over 40 people into my living room, kitchen, and garage. It was packed!

To the photos:

MJ, Joe Dirt, Jill and Jack (Jack and Jill,... note that Jack has fallen down the hill and severly wounded his head)

Jill and Jack

Ab-Fab Glam Rockers

Homme and Chica

We had a fog machine. I love this picture.

Ann Carpenter and Jimmi Hendrix

Undead Prom Queen and Tiger Woods

From Roman times.

Emerald Queen and Tigger

Owner of Cow and Cow

Joe Dirt gets dirty with the Cow

This wild looking crowd was from Brazil I believe

The scariest thing about Halloween parties is the morning after.

Halloween 2007, Party #1

2007-11-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

Maggie and I were slated for three different Halloween parties this year.

1. First party at B Pizzle's house.

2. Second party out our house.

3. Third party at Rivjuando's house.

Sadly, we were only able to do the first two, as I came down with a cold the day before the last party. This was a real shame, as my costume for the year was chosen soley for the purpose of attending the third and final party, where the theme was "Dead Rock Stars".

Let's look at some photos from the first party.

The Devil

Male Gangster

Female Gangster

Maggie and the Cow Couple

Don't you hate it when somebody at the party has the same costume as you?

May favorite is the gay pimp on the right.

Costume swap.

Now it's a party.

Unpasturized beer.

I was Michael Jackson on the right (circa Billie Jean)

Cebu Survival

2007-10-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

My Grandad was a bomber pilot during WWII. He has a lot of neat stories about the war. One of the most fantastic is the story of when his plane crashed into the ocean after being damaged by gunfire. Check out my links to the right to read his story.

We're proud of you big guy.

Baja Alert

2007-08-18T10:49:00.001-07:00

I'm a little slow in getting this set up, but my stepbrother recently had a Baja adventure. Look at the links to the right and you'll have access to his photos and stories. Check it out. What else do you have to do? You're wasting time here aren't you? Well, I don't have anything to say right now. Take off.

A Trip on a Boat

2007-08-08T17:51:00.000-07:00

My mother and her husband own a trawler. A trawler is like an RV on the water. Slow, comfortable, with miniature everything, and a full bar. Maggie and I travelled to Pleasant Harbor (Seattle area except on the Olympic Peninsula side), where there is a marina that houses their boat. The name of the boat "Heart's Desire".

We took the boat out for what was supposed to be a one night, two day adventure. Sound like the beginning to Gilligan's Island? Read on.

Heart's Desire

Mom and Wolfman wasted no time showing how tough boating was. Here they are showing us how to operate the deck chairs and drink, without spilling on one's self, when in the fully reclined position. It's good to learn from experts.

Some friends on another boat at the marina followed us on the trip. They have a small animal named Sassy. (Some objects in pictures appear larger than they are).

Before we even left the harbor (we stayed the first night on the boat in the marina), we had casualties. Maggie took a nasty spill on some flat asphalt (tricky that) and smashed her elbow up pretty good.

Underway! Maggie and Mom talk shop at the stern of the vessel as our powerful wake trails behind them.

We arrived at our overnight destination, a marina near Port Townsend, with a pretty good wind blowing. Mom and I wrestle with the dock lines to keep the boat from drifting into any other boats. It was close,... we missed the "parked" boat next to us by inches. I learned that even if a knot isn't pretty the first time you tie it, you shouldn't try to retie it until the boat is securely docked.

We walked into Port Townsend after we had secured the boat. From a spot downtown, we noticed commotion down in the water just off shore. This sailboat had drug its anchor and been pushed by the wind until it was hitting bottom near the beach. This member of a vessel assist team is showing us the wrong way to board a troubled boat. He hung here for a minute or so until he could be rescued.

Here is the rescuer being rescued. (They pulled the boat away from the beach about 30 minutes later)

Port Townsend showcases some pretty old buildings. It is a cute little place.

This reminds me of Forrest Gump.

You can tell that we were having a good time. We couldn't hide our smiles.

Mom has some saying about "it takes a village to dock a boat", or something like that. Every time a new boat pulls in, everybody with a free hand goes over to catch docking lines and hand out free advice about speed, wind, angles, etc.

Maggie enjoyed preparing meals for everybody.

The source of my weirdness.

Baby seagulls were spotted on this rooftop where their parents had mad a nest. Maggie wanted to take them home, of course.

This cannon doesn't stand a chance against Maggie's sonic death scream.

Maggie made me do it.

I found some otters playing underneath the docks in the marina.

Wolfman usually perches on his driving bench. As we relaxed and "partied" this particular night, the weather turned foul. It was so nasty, that we decided it wasn't quite safe enough to try and go home the next morning as planned. Thus, we stayed and extra day and night. It turned out to be no problem, and made quite the story.

Another Maggie pick.

Class of 1997, Myrtle Point High School Reunion

2007-08-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

10 years can go by quickle when you aren't thinking about it. My 10 year high school reunion seemed to come out of nowhere.

Our class president did a fine job of contacting all the members of our class, arranging a fantastic meeting place, and bringing us all together. I'm sure for many of us it will be last time we see each other.

Most of the pictures show the class members and their families and friends milling around. Captions aren't really needed, so they are few and far between.

I also thought about naming all the members as we seem them in the photos, but that is a lot of work, and will only mean something to those in the photos, in which case naming is not needed. If you want to know who somebody is, you'll have to ask me.

Some classmates needed a break during the long afternoon of merriment and conversation.

This was not a member of the class of 1997.

The crowd started to thin out later in the afternoon. This photo shows most of the stragglers.

Yes, that is whiskey.

It just so happened that the Coos County Fair was in town during the reunion. After we wrapped up the outdoor potluck, we took a quick walk through the fair and passed this old bus-stop bench at the high school.

As frequently happens when 20-year-olds are involved, our adventures led us here.

The remainder of the evening was spent with drink in hand and stories of glory days.

I don't know who this man was, but I thought this photo was great.

Our numbers slowly dwindled. Here are some the male classmates posing for a photo before they retired for the night.

Maggie and I walked home with a couple friends. This man decided to "show us what he was working with". Hmm,... seems like I saw that shirt in some other photos,......

Bachelor Party, 2007

2007-08-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

Bachelor Party. I haven't blogged about this annual event before. This was due to:

1. No good pictures, or lack of them.
2. The stories were too crude for me to relate.

In truth, the only difference this year is that I have good pictures. The stories might still be crude, so be warned.

For those of you who don't know what Bachelor Party is:

Kramer had a real, standard, run of the mill bachelor party before he got married. He had so much fun, that he decided to re-enact the party every year. The group (termed LOIG: League of Inebriated Gentlemen) participates in some competitions throughout a normal day. Points are accrued. Names are drawn out of hat in the evening. Those with the most points have their name in the hat more than others. First name pulled becomes the "honorary bachelor". The group must buy him drinks all night long, and people we meet are told that he is an actual bachelor. This usually leads to interesting propositions and a good laugh had by all.

The details aren't that important to you, the average blog reader. I realize this. If you liken this whole ordeal to a standard night out with the boys, you are 99% there. Let's focus on the pictures and short stories.

D-med wears protective eye wear during our dodgeball event. Do you think he looks cool?

How about with his hat turned backwards? Yep, that's the ticket.

Pearly sports some sweat soaking attire to keep his eyes clear and his hands dry. He is a fierce dodgeball competitor, and some would even venture to say a good father.

Here's some action! Just look at these athletes push it to the limit!If the Outsiders had engaged in a dodgeball fight at the climax of the story instead a fistfight, it may have looked something like this.

Stadtman is about to give his last lap time at the Malibu Raceway a big thumbs down.

Pearly has the humorous fashion sense of a 15 year old boy.

It appears Kramer has accidentally sat on the stick shift.

Some sweaty LOIG members are seen here playing video games and/or grab ass. No official points were awarded to any of these members for any of these actions.

The photographer appears to be attempting art here.

Which sticks out further, my nose or my Adam's apple? Send me your vote.

Golfing at the par-3 course at Edgefield was the last event of the day. Here is my team posing for a picture.

I thought the boys did a good job posing like aristocrats.

Most people avoid driving balls from the greens.

Oh my! These inflatable wonders sparked quite a controversy when we accidentally dropped them out of our third story hotel room.

That is whiskey. This poor LOIG member overestimated his ability to process large quantities of this drink.
Here is our whiskey-chugging LOIG member about an hour later. We've all know how this story ends,....

The waitress (back left, barely visible in photo) was very helpful when it came to choosing which credit card to pay with. After a few drinks, it's nice to have somebody make decisions for you, especially when it concerns money.

The morning after the party, on the ride home, I give my physically abusive friend D-med an affectionate smile. He is mean, but my love for him clearly can't be hidden.

There it is folks. Of course some pictures were not shown here for legal reasons, but you get the general idea. Maybe some of your male blog readers want to join us next year?

A Wedding in July

2007-07-10T21:42:00.001-07:00

Some friends of mine got married in July. To protect the innocent we will call them "Sails" (him) and "Deck Girl".

Deck Girl is drop dead gorgeous!
I'm not sure I've introduced this character yet on the blog. If I haven't we'll call him "Hardcore". He is definitely working the camera on this one. Pretty rare.

Here's a crowd! From the left we have Mill, me, Hardcore, girlfriend of Hardcore (I'm running out of creative names here,..), and girlfriend of Mills.

Mills and Hardcore, much as I hate to admit, were looking pretty sharp.

The cutting of the cake went off without a hitch. Sails is on the right.

There were some difficulties withe garter toss, but Sails finally got a good throw in, and us single dudes can be seen anticipating it's return to earth.

Three of the members of a well known Corvallis band played music for the reception.

The wedding and reception was held at an organic farm in the foothills leading up to Mt. Hood. I got a picture of Maggie and the mountain.

July 4th, 2007

2007-07-10T20:58:00.001-07:00

Maggie and I spent this Fourth of July with our friends who live in Newport, at the beach about an hour from Corvallis. The great part is that they actually live about 200 feet from the actual sand. It was a perfect venue for some grillin' and firecracker antics.

Woman helps man make fire.
Man prepares grilling surfaces.

Man experiments with evaporative cooling.

Man uses sparkler to re-ignite charcoal based fire.

Man and Woman cuddle.

Man puts shrimp in his mouth.

Man and Woman rehydrate with watermelon.

Man ponders Bernoulli's Principle and other advanced physics.

Man leaves Woman. Woman seems sad. Woman still has beer. Woman is happy again.

Army Men and Women serve country well, but lack manners and conversational skills.

Man embraces Woman after sunset.

Man kisses Woman and is forced to admit that it is a good picture. Man subsequently agrees to post picture on blog, against his better judgement and his standing rule of "no pictures of me kissing are to be posted on the Internet".

Garden Update

2007-07-10T20:39:00.001-07:00

Well, it was 101 degrees today. I worried about my garden vegetables all day at work, but they seemed to be doing all right (the peppers in fact look extremely happy) when I got home. Let's take a look:

This picture is in fact a week old as I write this. This particular fruit was about 6 inches long in this picture. It is now a foot long and twice as rotund. Squash are easy to grow I've found.

These are either cherry or grape tomatoes.

Again, this is a week old. The corn is now twice this height. I planted it kind of late, but hopefully it makes for a good mid to late September snack.

Maggie gets the credit for these pictures, and I think this one is rather artistic.

Biederman Family Graduation Party

2007-07-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

Maggie wasn't the only member of her family to earn a degree recently. Her father and sister both earned degrees this spring. Her father got a BS in Business, and her sister received an Associates degree in something related to dentistry.

The three of them threw a group party at a McMenamins in Portland (Hillsboro to be exact).

There were many friends and family in the makeshift tent where we had the party.

My family (minus the step mom who couldn't make it) showed up for the festivities.

Synchronized Badminton.

My brother gets pretty intense with the Badminton.

Maggie's father has a weakness in his heart for Karaoke. I think he sang 'School's Out for Summer'.

Maggie makes me post pictures like this.

Maggie is Awarded Degree #2

2007-07-10T19:26:00.001-07:00

Maggie graduated with her Master of Science degree in Mathematics in March. She attended the mass graduation ceremony this June. We are very proud of her. Now she presses on to attempt a PhD!

This was the entire OSU graduating class. I can't remember how many there were. Maybe 4000 including PhD, Masters, and Bachelor's degrees. Where could Maggie be in all that mess?

There she is,...

Well? What's inside that thing toots?

Oooohhhh! I see!

Maggie's parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle all showed up for the ceremony.

I know it looks yummy babe. Ah, you must be hungry after that 3 hour ceremony,... let's go eat.
Here we all at Le Bistro, a top notch French Restaurant. We ate like kings. Can you see which one of us may have got a bit too much sun?

Company Golf Tournament, Spring 2007

2007-05-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

This post would normally be full of wild stories and pictures from the golf event. Unfortunately, the stories are too crude, and nearly every picture I took was of somebody relieving themselves on the golf course. I will not post these pictures.

What I will give you is one perplexing photograph involving Stadtman, Mike the Drunk, a fish, and no explanation.

Six Peak Challenge 2007

2007-05-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

Did I do a post on this last year? I think I did. You can look through my archives and find out for yourself.

For those of you not familiar, the Six Peak Challenge is simply this: Travel via mountain bike to the top of six of the tallest peaks in the McDonald-Dunn forest. It takes most of a day to complete, during which we travel over 30 miles and thousands of vertical feet.

Last year, there were some who didn't believe we actually made it to the top of each peak! This year I have photographic proof of each summit to squash the naysayers. In each picture, you can see that we are trying to indicate which peak we are on. For example, if we were on Lookout Peak, we attempt to display an "L".

Forest Peak.

Lookout Peak.

There is a certain stump in the forest that has long been known to house a stash of beer. It is unknown who put the beer there, or how old the beer is. Sometimes a bottle of wine has been known to show up there. On this day, it was proposed that I drink some of this beer. I obliged. This first can was consumed on the way up to Price Peak.

Price Peak.

On our way back down Price Peak, I treated myself to 12 fluid ounces of the Champagne of Beers.

McCullough Peak.

Dimple Hill.

Vineyard Mountain.

At the end of ride, we all indicated that six peaks were conquered.

Stephens and Maggie Take a Hike

2007-05-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

The weather was warm one day in spring, so Maggie and I took a walk in the nearby McDonald-Dunn forest. We hiked in a old growth forest, and then climbed to the top of Dimple Hill, where we were rewarded with a sprawling view of Corvallis and the surrounding area.

A strong storm this winter blew down some trees. This giant root-wad dwarfs Maggie.

Who dwarfs who now! Maggie couldn't help but pick up this salamander/newt type amphibian and loving on it.

We took a apple/cheese/cracker break on the way up to Dimple Hill. I briefly contemplated joining a circus acts as the guy who lets an archer shoot apples of his head.

I refuse to follow directions on signs that don't to use punctuation.

Maggie couldn't help but play on this equipment that isn't hers.

A Vegetable Garden

2007-05-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

Hello faithful readers. It has been some time since I've offered you a posting. I promise there will be several coming soon.

For a couple years now I have wanted to plant a garden. A garden planted with a variety of edibles. I have finally built this dream garden, and I have plants growing as we speak. Let's look at some pictures.

Here you can see two raised beds that I created. I leveled the pile of dirt that was previously inhabiting this corner of the yard, constructed two 8 foot by 4 foot beds out of composite lumber (it won't rot away like natural wood will), and filled them with "fertile soil mix" I obtained from a nearby nursery.

Inside the house, sometime in March, Maggie and I "started" a number of plants to be transplanted outside later, when it is warmer. We started broccoli and three kinds of peppers.

After a couple weeks, the broccoli looked like this.

Here is a closer look at the beds, with some posts at the corners that will later hold up a fence of sorts to keep critters out. Mixed salad greens can be seen in the upper left.

The broccoli was transplanted to the outside beds in late April.

It is highly probable that this will turn out to be cauliflower.

After several weeks and no sign of life, I thought that I had planted the pepper seeds too soon, and had killed them. I was sure that the seeds had rotted in the cool, moist soil. One day, it got warm (70 deg F or so) and this happened.
Snap peas will grow even when surrounded by grass

In mid May, the beds have many things growing in them, and you can see that I have implemented the aforementioned critter defense system.

Tribute to Mac

2007-01-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

Who is Mac.? I hardly know myself. I know OF her. I know of some of her childhood adventures. I know what country she currently resides in. I know she has a boyfriend named Brian.

And after I met this young woman over Xmas break, I know that people are drawn to her. People yearn to hear her stories and bask in her wisdom. We worship her.

Does she sound too good to be true? Do you dare doubt me? Well, if you do, I can't blame you. I would be skeptical also. So, I offer you hard bloggeriffic evidence. Photos.

Some of the usual suspects (though nobody would describe us as "usual") gathered at pub in P-town:

Mac is on the left here. At first you might think, "Doesn't seem like anything special,...". You couldn't be more wrong. Read on.

As she warms up her sharp conversational skills, people get sucked in. Jammers can be seen here in the background getting so excited to hear her story, that he flashes some sort of erotic symbol at the camera in an unadulterated display of his lust.

Maggie and Oreinta perform the ubiquitous "raise the roof" to show their support of Mac.

Some of the more devout fans, such as Maggie, break down, run past the security guards, and throw themselves at the diva.

Why are all the people sitting on one side of the table? Because Mac is on the other side telling a fantastic story, and they want to look her right in the eyes as she does so.

Somebody has a sixth sense for the camera! Put her on a runway I say. Jammers can be seen trying to steal some of her aura with some sort of crude, non-palpable form of the Vulcan mind meld.

Xmas Party 2006

2007-01-02T19:35:00.000-08:00

The annual company Xmas party party has come and gone. It was hard to top last year's hot tub party debauchery. So hard in fact, that we didn't even try this year. Instead it was a pretty low key evening, with a good meal at the party, and bar hopping afterwards.

Isn't Maggie's hair beautiful! Like a flowing horse's mane. She made me get a new shirt for the party, and made me put gel in my hair.

Stadtman was caught here waiting for a slough of chicks to come join him at his table. They never came.

B-pizzle and Mike-the-drunk can't even try to pretend to have a good time. In their defense, the entertainment at the "actual" company party left a bit to be desired, so we made our way to the local tavern as soon as the meal was over.
Mike-the-drunk and his lovely wife in a much more festive mood after we reach the pub.
Here's a little game for you to play. Complete the following sentence:

The guys in the picture above,

A. Are computer geeks.

B. Are great bowlers.

C. Are a couple.

Please post a comment on this post with your answer, and a brief explanation of how you came to your decision. What fun!

That game was so great! Let's have another quiz:

Which of the following is true of concerning the picture above?

A. A cell phone will still work after dropping it in beer, as long as you rinse it in water immediately.

B. The guy is throwing his cell in the water because his girlfriend just dumped him over the phone.
C. The guy holding the cell doesn't own it. He is just trying to bluff a friend into buying him a beer.

Maggie and I enjoy the evening out with friends. Look at her pretty fingernail polish!

Storm of the Century

2007-01-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, it wasn't really the biggest or strongest storm I've ever seen, but it did pack a power-line snapping punch. Check out the damage it did to my property:

The winds snapped one of my hawthorn trees in two. The fallen portion missed the house and the fence, but the raspberries took a hit.

This 8 foot section of fence blew right over. I was astounded to find how poorly it was constructed when I inspected it in detail the morning after the storm. Even I could have done a better job. Stadt and I did the emergency prop-up job shown above during the actual storm. You can also see the various wood debris scattered across the ground. This debris had previously been "arranged" in a "non-trashy" manner against the side of my house. Maybe this was mother natures way of telling me to clean things up a bit.

Who are these dim figures? You guessed it. Stadtman and I, armed with headlamps, beer, snacks, and an old fashioned lantern, play a couple games of cribbage during the 3 hour power outage.

The morning after, my dad made a sneak appearance while I was at work. After an hour of work with some sawing tools, he had the tree down and cut up. When I got home, I threw the pieces over my back fence, as is my custom. (Don't worry, nobody lives back there,...)

All in all, I got pretty lucky. Damage was done, but none to the house or the new roof. Knock on wood.

Halloween 2006

2006-11-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2006. You think that a 28 year old shouldn't dress up anymore? Forget that. See below:

Macy, Stadt, and myself. Rambo, Jailbreak, and Nasa Engineer.

This inmate makes a move on my girl.

Can you read my button if you zoom in?

B-pizzle is pumped!

The entire gang at B-pizzle's casa.

The girls.

The fem and myself at a different party a couple days later. My birthday "Pie" is displayed, much to my excitement.

Sponge Bob Square Pants.

UnDead Jack of "Jack and Jill".

UnDead Jesus, Pregnant Cheerleader, and Courtney Love.

The "Polly Girl" (who came with Sam Adams) won the "sexiest" award.

Beer Never Dies

2006-09-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

That's right folks. You probably all thought that we had just given up on beer making since I haven't talked about it for so long. That couldn't be further from the truth. We've pretty much had a steady stream of some damn fine bubbly coming out of this house. Maybe, there was a a bit of a dry streak for much of summer, but we are back in FULL force as of August.

Debuting this late summer is a seasonal beer that will no doubt be a tradition for Stadtman and I. A blackberry wheat. This is a new recipe and all sign indicate that it will fantastic when we try it in about three weeks. The other beer in the works right now is a blackberry lambic (similar to a framboise we are told). Don't get too excited about this one though, at least not yet. This late bloomer gets to sit in the fermenter (bucket) for a year before we even get around to bottling. Get back to me in 18 months and maybe I'll have an update on this one.

Let's see what happened during the brewing of the blackberry wheat (no funny name yet, sorry).

Major advances in brewing technology have been realized since the last report. We now have a more powerful propane burner, and Stadtman wasted no time setting up a low-impact stirring system next to it.

Beer out of a can. Simplicity never tasted so good.

Truth be told, the main reason I created this post was to get this picture out the world. Our good friend Colorado is usually not the touchy feely type, but my bronzed body clearly overwhelmed his better judgment here. You can see the ecstasy in his crazy eyes!

The customary "pitching of the yeast" ceremony.

Good work boys. Cheers for beers.

Pre Labor Day 2006

2006-09-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

Orienta and Forky invited Shannon and I (amongst others) up to a Pre Labor Day BBQ at their pad in P-town. We loaded up the cooler and drove Maggie's car (fresh out the shop after months of immobility) to the scene of the crime to make the party happen.

Orienta revels in some slimy attention from her man-pal Forky.

Nothing beats a back porch grill off.

This must have been another "bomb track".

My guess is that this hunk of mystery food is probably not vegetarian.

You'd be bummed out too if you got up for second and return to find your buddy was smoking not only his own tobacco filled pastry, but yours too.

Maggie, her dad, and I enjoy our dinner. You don't know real pleasure until you've bitten into a cheddar brat and it squirts the molten cheddar juice into your mouth. Sometimes you have to pay to play.

The morning after, Maggie takes a mock swig of the leftover booze.

Return of the Haoli

2006-09-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Maggie got a great offer this summer. Her good friend Kurly was in Hawaii for work, and needed a nanny for Lion Thing while she worked. Kurly bought Maggie a ticket to Hawaii, and I got my own and joined them. We got a condo outside of Waikaloa Village on the Big Island and set about our adventures.

Kurly's husband, Flowboy, developed some fancy software called FLO2D. Kurly and Flowboy often travel promoting and training for this software. I like to tell people, "This vacation was sponsored by FLO2D (TM)".

This photo shows how ethnically and religiously diverse Hawaii can be. Where on earth can you find a close-cut Ron Livingston, an Asian child, Colonel Sanders, Anoushka Shankar, and a completely shaved Ari Fleischer all praying for world peace?

I made Maggie love on this depiction of a little girl asleep on a giant sea turtle.

This tree was about 50 feet from the sea, and was perfect for climbing. It also provided excellent shade.

Mmmm. This looks nice.

Return of the Haoli (Narcolepsy and Blue tank top)

2006-09-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

Kurly had such great time on this trip. I've dedicated this entire post to her.

Always glamorous and always politically correct, Kurly gave everybody at this scenic viewpoint a truly scenic view of her magic maker.
Kurly and I compare turgosity at the black sand beach.

The effects of mild sun-stroke take hold,...

Sometimes things just got too exciting for the poor girl.

Kurly spent at least half of every day at the beach asleep in the sand.

Return of the Haoli (Waterfalls)

2006-09-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

Maggie and I took our leave from the rest of our party and endeavored to visit as many waterfalls as we could in one day. This means a day on the east side of the island, since it gets most of the rain (thus waterfalls).

Above is Rainbow Falls, which is pretty much IN the city of Hilo.I don't remember the name of the falls above, but they were right above a rock formation called the "boiling pots", because of the wild white water flowing through them. You get creative when you don't own a tripod. The largest falls of our tour, Akaka Falls, is 420 ft tall. For you Oregonians out there, Multnomah falls is 542 ft (the main falls). Go Oregon.

Return of the Haoli (Lava)

2006-09-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

What's in Hawaii? Everybody thinks white, sandy beaches, beautiful native girls, Mai Tai's, etc. I suppose all those are true, but there is so much more. You may remember my blog about my trip to Honolulu and the island of Oahu. Now read about my trip to the big island, Hawaii itself.

So these islands were all made from volcanoes. And not so long ago (in the grand scheme of things). In fact, new land is added to the big island every day from its active volcanoes.

Woah! I must have upset the lava goddess! She pelts me with lightweight cinders and I crumble under their jagged mass.

The lava flows straight into the ocean on the south side of the island (at least right now it is). The picture is deceptive, but Maggie is actually standing on a lava cliff about 40 feet above the waves behind her.

It may seem as if Flowboy is just collecting some lava-rock for posterity, but no. There is a sign just outside the picture that reads: "Please do not make rock piles" Flowboy, being the natural rebel he is, decides to pile some rocks at the base of the sign. Naughty. Kurly poses next to me as I pack Lion Thing over the expansive lava flows on the south side of the island, in Volcano National Park.

I stopped to take a quick break on the side of the road, and lo! This lava comes out of the blue and tries to consume me.

The lava wave came crashing down over sweet little Maggie-poo.

This interesting sign was overcome by a lava flow between the two giant mountains of Kilauea and Mauna Loa. Kilauea is in the background.

The distance may be off a bit, but the description is certainly accurate at times.

Oregon Country Fair

2006-07-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

Nowhere in Oregon (or anywhere in the US) will you experience a fair like this. The country fair is a fair of sorts I suppose, but also a celebration, a concert, an eatery, a flea market, and a week long high you never have to come down from (if that's what you're into,...)

For me, it's like being on another planet. Hippies, yuppies, crazies, druggies, dreamers, and anybody else who has purchased a $17 ticket, all meet near Eugene Oregon underneath the lush decidious trees and in the dry meadows of the "fairgrounds". You're not going to find amusement rides and and rodeos as this fair. Instead, keep you eyes open for the drum circle, the falafel booth, the alternative energy park, partial nudity, the musical entertainment that is scattered amongst the many paths and stages, and the frequent, impromptu parade that could spontaneously begin at any moment.

Maggie and I went down this year to see a band we like, Eleven Eyes, and witness the general chaos that is the Oregon Country Fair.

This guy was rocking his own cazba during the Eleven Eyes show. I didn't think people danced this crazy before noon,...

I, Maggie, and Smiles hangin' out on the lawn in front of the Eleven Eyes show.

Eleven Eyes proudly displayed their unique electro-funk-jazz for the morning crowd at the main stage of the fair.
Maggie and I ate tempura (deep fried vegetables) for lunch. We sat on the ground at this very clean table to eat it. At this particular eatery, you had the option to stand in front of people and sing for your food. I avoided the singing bit, even after persistent begging by many patrons for my best Axl Rose and Jon Bon Jovi impersonations.

They had mothers once,...

The drugs make you want to bite your own tounge off, but they also make it taste like melon, so you smile and chomp away,...

My bro hydrates (left), while Kodak rethinks the tie-died head band idea.

Oysters

2006-07-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

I had never shucked oysters until recently, but let me tell you, I now understand why they are so expensive when you buy them at a restaurant. Those little guys put up quite a fight! The labor required to put just a few ounces of food into your mouth is daunting.

40 minutes of back-breaking prying, gouging, and slicing, Blair and I finally finished shucking the last of over 20 oysters. Maggie took over after the shucking and prepared a glorious meal for us all!

Conquests in Landscape Engineering

2006-07-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

This post is merely to prove that given the proper amount of time, credit card purchases, and trips to the nursery supply, I can build things. I was assisted with construction of this block path only by the occasional consultation with my civil engineer roommate, and some block cutting provided by a coworker.

Immediately upon completion: The rain helped wash the sand between the cracks.

Just in time for a backyard party!

Graduation, New Mexico

2006-06-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

Maggie's friend Kurly recently graduated from the esteemed school of New Mexico Tech with a degree in environmental engineering. Maggie and I went down to witness the ceremony and hang out for a few days for a long overdue visit.

After some difficulties with the airline industry, we arrived, weary and strung out in Albuquerque. Kurly picked us up and we drove to San Antonio (New Mexico). We slept.

The next morning, Maggie and I were gently awoken by a small creature climbing into the bed with us. The creature is shown below. I almost tore my own face off, she was so cute. Maggie no doubt had similar tendencies towards self mutilation. We will call this creature "Lion Thing".

After dropping Lion Thing off at day care with her other playmates, Kurly, Maggie, and I went golfing. It was Maggie's very first time, but I'll be darned if she didn't keep the ball in the fairway the entire day. Her unique form lent itself well to spinning acrobatics and graceful footwork around the tee.
admittedly, however, Maggie would much rather play with water foul than golf. Kurly is the exact opposite, and managed to maintain focus with Maggie and birds making all sorts of ruckus around her.

After golf, we retrieved Lion Thing from her daycare graduation, and frolicked at the house.

As the day grew hot, we picked up the neighbor girl, Pixie, and went to the river to "swim". The water is only 2 feet deep, so you do the best you can.

The next day was graduation day for Kurly. She was one of only two Environmental Engineering graduates in the class. Maggie was beaucoup proud.

At the post graduation party back the casa: Experimentation with food intake via skin absorption, rather than orally.

Kurly noshes on some of her mom's outstanding chili. Serious business.
As I strolled through the yard, a bird pooped on my arm (you can't really see it here, but trust me). Maggie told Kurly to make a gross gesture, and Kurly obliged.

Our last beautiful night in "The land of enchantment". Maggie found a medium sized dog to love on. Both appear to be in bliss here.

Boredom Breeds Burning and Breaking

2006-05-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

My roomates burn so many things and piss off so many of my neighbors, well, it's quite exhausting as you can see. They are probably taking a power nap so they can collapse my garage or something when they wake up.

Sunriver, Spring 2006

2006-05-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

One day, some friends and I travelled to Sunriver, Oregon. We wanted to celebrate a few birthdays, but we wanted to do it in a fancy, expensive looking, rented house, far far from home, close to ski resorts, bike trails, tennis courts, and country clubs.

Not much to report here, so we will immediately segway into pictures with informative captions.

Maggie and I become entangled after a brisk mountain bike ride on dirt, rock, and even snow.

CB, Stat-man, K-ride, DAG, and Mike-the-drunk get the party started.

K-momma and IT are subjected to some extreme affection from DAG.

This vegetarian lasagna was a hit!

Yes, that is a Geek Squad shirt. Does it count as double fisting if you friend is siphoning off one of your longnecks?

Stat-man attempts to attain maximum positive beer flux. Make sure to use the right hand rule buddy!

What's that? I can't hear you because I'm busy trying to win the "40 challenge". What is this you ask? Well, also known as "Edward 40-hands", it is a simple game in which two 40-oz bottles of your favorite alcoholic beverage are duct-taped to your hands. The challenge is to finish before you:

a) urinate in your drawers

b) pass out drunk and perform a)

The 40 challenge is so easy for me, I decide to perform some "40 curls" to pass the time.

Nearly 3 hours after beginning, I complete the challenge by demonstrating the literal meaning of the term "bottoms up".

K-ride performed a toned down version of the challenge as they chose to go with a solo 40 instead of two. K-ride is a trooper though, as he suffered massive bleeding wounds when the duct tape was removed at the end of his challenge. Way to play through the pain honcho,..

P-town House Party

2006-04-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

One weekend in winter Maggie and I traveled to P-town to visit some friends of hers. It was the first time meeting them for yours truly. It was a grand time. I will not present the entire story of the adventure here, but merely throw out some details and photos of the event, mostly for the benefit of those actually involved:

So we begin,

Jammers begs for some naughty time. Dream on kiddo,...

This was no dry party. The only thing Smiles is missing here is a beer.

Orienta was unaware of proximity of my pelvis. I get happy when I am fed jalepeno poppers and totinos pizza.

Forky looks like he rolled off the street for an impromptu hold-em' tourny.

NEVER play cards with a guy who wears a sponge-bob band-aid!

Orienta, Maggie, and Jammers. This the only picture on record to have captured Jammers in a 'normal' pose. Maggie seems to be reaching for Orienta's naughty bits.

Jammers tried to walk off with Orienta's hot sauce. She had to raise her Pimp-Spatula and put him in his place.

Jammers claims he made this face because he had just sipped a cranberry-vodka, but I think he accidentally sat on one of Forky's Star Wars action figures,... light saber fully extended.

Vancouver Island, Day 6 (final day)

2006-04-01T18:50:00.000-08:00

We checked out of our motel, and made our way to the ferry docks.

After boarding, getting under way, it was a 90 minute sprint back to the states.
The only thing of interest on the return trip was this couple, obviously lovers.

We stopped to visit with the respective parents on the way home, and I recall having an excellent clam and crab breakfast with Maggie's parents after spending the night with them (Portland).

That's it. Finito. An epic journey, that much is certain.

Oh, here is a bonus picture of Maggie's cat (named Maggie too,....hmmm). She was getting tangled and matted hair so she got shaved. The lion cut.

Vancouver Island, Day 5

2006-04-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

It was our last day on the island, and we were going to take advantage of every second.

First, it was off to the famed Butchart Gardens. We spent over three hours there, taking almost as many pictures as the hordes of Japanese tourists surrounding us.
This fountain,...
An old man took this. He was the most skilled stand-in cameraman of the day in my opinion.
Concrete can also be a reliable cameraman, with steady hand to boot.
To be honest, we saw somebody else take this same shot, but it was too cute to pass up.
The bumble bees were quite tame, as this one allows Maggie to pet it.
In Canada, we do what we want
I made Maggie point like this
This was the "Formal" garden, with an Italian theme
I made her do this also
Ridiculous

We retired to the motel to shower and prep for a night on the town.
After wandering around for an hour or so in China town and perusing possible restaurants, we ended up at a place called Pescatore's. She had blackened halibut with crab and hollandaise sauce on top. I had trout stuffed with bree and crab. It was outstanding. We both agreed her meal was the absolute best. We also had a bottle of some local Okanagan Gamay Noir.

After the dinner, we strolled the town, stopping at various pubs, making random friends in the food services industry, buying/stealing beer glasses of interest, and ultimately stumbling into a taxi (it was a hybrid, I remember that at least) to go back to the motel. The famous Empress Hotel might be pictured behind us here?

Vancouver Island, Day 4

2006-04-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

Day 4, sadly, bears almost no visual documentation. We drove north out of Port Renfrew, into the mountains that split the island into east and west halves, and ended up on the east side of the island, about an hour north of Victoria. The weather was wet, and indoor activities looked to be the order of the day.

Turns out Maggie and I don't know of very many fun indoor activities, at least not on Vancouver Island. Instead, we decided to play a sort of game. We decided to make an arbitrary rule that we had to stop and have a beer in every pub we passed on our drive back towards Victoria. This turned out to be great fun, even though we were (and still remain) vastly disappointed with Canada's selection of draft beers. Apparently, if the color of the beer strays too far from the color of urine, it is deemed too dark, and is disposed of or scorned.

The end of the day found us in a cheap motel about a mile from downtown Victoria.

I'm back (PLUS, Day 1 of Vancouver trip!)

2006-04-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile, I know. Never fear. I've amassed a grip-load of stories and pictures to tell you all!

The following few blog entries will be as follows: One entry for each day of my recent vacation to Vancouver Island with Maggie. There is a lot of photos and one blog post just isn't going to be enough.

So,…. Day 1. Maggie decided we needed to go on a trip. Canada seemed like an OK choice. It was close, familiar, and could be reached by car. Due to our time limit, we knew we couldn't see everything, so we decided a surgical strike onto Vancouver Island would be a good use of our time.

I set up the truck for some possible camping adventures, even laying down some carpet underneath the canopy should the weather take a turn for the wet and we wanted to sleep in the truck.
On the drive north, we stopped at Maggie’s parent’s house for a quick visit, then it was up to Pleasant Harbor on the Olympic Peninsula to visit momma-blog and step-father (we'll call him Wolfman).
We spent the night on their 37 foot cabin cruiser in the V-berth. Decadent.

Vancouver Island, Day 3

2006-04-01T17:46:00.000-08:00

We arose on day 2 to the afore-mentioned cougar warnings. We took some goofy pictures of some goofy trees with goofy people in them, and then continued up the rugged coastline highway. We stopped at the end of the main road, at a place called Port Renfrew. We had fish and chips at the cleanest looking pub in the spread out village, then drove up to Botanical Beach Provincial Park to catch a glimpse of the tide pools.
On the way to Botanical Beach, this black bear seemed perfectly content to chomp on some grass as we parked next him and snapped photos. Maggie had never seen one before, so she was very excited. I don't think it was his first time on the catwalk,... show-off.
The 2km walk down the beach took us through a rain forest. Quite beautiful.

The tide pools themselves were quite expansive and beautiful. I won't bore you with all the inherent sea-life we bore witness to. Rest assured that most everything there was so pretty and glorious, that Maggie wanted to "wad them up into a ball and pop them into (her) mouth".

We drove back to Port Renfrew for showers. The young man operating the shower facility informed us that he also had campsites. We altered plans right then and there as he introduced us to his most popular (and rarely vacant) camp spot. With a glorious view of the bay, we were sold.

Two things you should know about Port Renfrew:

1. The people look a little scabby, but seem to be nice, and are not mutated.

2. In Port Renfrew, if you think you can get those hot dogs with the cheddar already in them (Better Cheddars is a name you may recognize), you will be sorely disappointed.

Vancouver Island, Day 2

2006-04-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

We took a group photo the morning of day 2.

Maggie and I continued towards north end of the peninsula to catch the ferry out of Port Angeles, arriving at Victoria, BC mid-afternoon.

A quick stop at the grocery store and liquor store, and we were on our way up the southwest coast of the island, in search of a nice place to camp. French Beach was where we ended up. We were the only ones in the campground (except for a marauding cougar the next morning, but we never saw it), so we pretty much had the run of the place.

We had a pleasant walk on the nearby beach before supper and witnessed a most serene sunset out on the Straight of Juan De Fuca.
Of course we made a mockery of the magical occasion with some grotesque antics.If you didn't know any better (and the evergreen trees weren't visible) you'd think this was tropical, eh?

A Trip to the Beach: Newport, Oregon

2006-02-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

Newport, Oregon: Last weekend in January. Maggie invited me to go stay at a neat hotel on the beach for a night with friends and coworkers. There was a wicked storm raging almost the entire time we were there, which was radical and surreal. Since a "normal" winter day at the beach is usually drizzly and cold, we all secretly hoped that a storm would roll through and give us some excitement. There really is nothing like a powerful winter storm on the Oregon coast. I really do love them.

Ahem.

The Plan: Eat fancy food, drink wine, swim in the pool and hot tub, and generally party down in the hotel room and around the town.

Victory Conditions: Not getting kicked out of the hotel or getting a fight with any Coasties (people indigenous to the coastal region).

The Participants: Myself, Maggie, Princess D, Irish, Wine Boss, and Wife of Irish. I suppose it is timely and fair to mention that Maggie and I have been on a handful of dates, and we plan many more. I'm sure you will hear more about Maggie as we adventure together.

Extras: Sister Sarah, Motorhead, Raisin Face (bartender at the Sand Bar Saloon), many many un-named Coasties, and a host of lesbian waitresses at Georgie's Beachside Grill. We list them in case they happen upon this blog in hopes that they may be mentioned. I don't want anybody to feel left out. However, I offer no explaination of who they might be or what role they played in our adventure.

Final Results and Statistics: Several ruined linens in the hotel due to some rampant misuse of Pinot Noir, one pissed off bartender at a local saloon (Raisin Face), massive consumption of wine and seafood, and a four hour snore war, of which I was a witness, but played no part in.

In general, the entire escapade was an indisputable success.

Pictures and captions:

Some of the gang on the balcony of the hotel room (from left to right): Wine Boss, Maggie, Princess-D, and Irish

A pathetic Michael Jackson impersonation

Princess-D does a clown dance,... and holding TWO glasses or red no less!

Princess-D preaches from the complimentary Holy Bible. We learned how the many gates and walls of Jerusalem were fixed by many people and their sons. Rivetting, to be sure.

Wife of Irish seems to be attempting to photograph husband’s naughty bits
Immediately after Irish had taken a sip of red wine, I said something amusing and he spewed the contents of his oral cavity all over my nice white T-shirt. I am so proud to have such an authentic souvenir of the wine-soaked weekend.

Adventures in Biking

2006-02-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

I bought a Trek mountain bike last summer. I haven’t been on as many rides as I would like, but I am getting out there a bit. I share with you some pictures from a couple rides. One of the rides was termed the Six Peak Challenge, which I and a handful of coworkers participated in and a cool, drizzly weekend in January. We went into a nearby forest, and biked to the top of the six tallest peaks in immediate area. It was brutal and painful near the end of the nearly 40 mile ride, but all those that set out to do it finished it, and came away with a great sense of accomplishment.

Now, the pictures:

Me, in my new biking gear acquired at Xmas

Blair and I play it cool after the ride up the steep trail leading to Forest Peak.
Before I got a front fender, I became all too familiar with the taste of mud.
Dazed after reaching one of the peaks on the Six Peak Challenge
The Six Peak gang, resting briefly atop Dimple Hill.

Self portrait, Dimple Hill.

Celebration atop what may be McCullough peak.

A wrong turn was made near the summit of one of the peaks, landing us in a thick patch of reprod.

Another beer update

2006-02-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, I'll have more to talk about besides beer here. This is just to satisfy my fans. Look for further updates immediately after this.

So I’ve been idle in this blogosphere. So much happened with beer that I don’t know where to begin. Suffice to say that we still brew about every two weeks, and we have a few new recruits in the land of homebrew. Jeff and James can be seen below, expressing extreme excitement over their boiling wort. After stealing some equipment from a trusting relative, they dove head first into brewing, and are quick learners. Look out for some champion concoctions from these two.
Mike the Drunk has also taken up the habit. Instead of showing pictures of him brewing his fist batch, I am distracted by this very cute picture of his daughter, which I post instead.
My father was present for the brewing of our first Pilsner, termed PSI (not explained here). We found that he was most helpful with the actual brewing when performing the task shown below.
As a highlight, my friend bet my father five bucks he wouldn’t eat the cooked down malted barley. Without hesitation, dad helped himself to a heaping spoonful,… and them promptly went back for seconds. We all had to try it then. It tasted like sweet oatmeal, but was nearly un-chewable, and went down pretty rough. A pleasant taste, with an awful texture.
During the brewing the PSI, B-Pizzle (right, below) oversaw the smoked salmon operation outside. With the aid of our custom cardboard wind shelter (with mandatory fire suppression equipment on hot-standby) we cooked up some of the best salmon I’ve ever had.
Last, I give you this darling picture of a process called “dry hopping”. This is where dry hops are placed in the brew while it ferments. I think it is very pretty.

Nothing but beer here

2006-01-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess any faithful followers of the blog deserve a quick update.

Last weekend, I brewed three batches of beer.

Ok, I really helped two other friends brew their very first batches of beer, and then Blair and I brewed our own. At the end of Sunday, I reeked heavily of hops and malted barley.

Bad news. Our newest batch, a nut brown ale, was giving off a strong sulphur smell on it's third day of fermenting. It had to be moved to the garage. We're not sure what went wrong, but hope to find out this weekend when we rack to secondary fermenation.

Sports and work take up all my time lately, thus few blog updates. I have some snowboarding and mountain biking adventures coming up, so hopefully I can snap some pics and give you kids something interesting to read.

A Tribute to the Holidays

2005-12-29T23:18:00.000-08:00

Koala Tribute was sampled for the first time tonight. Blair was unsure he would like this Lager style beer. Although it is much more suitable for brewing in the cooler winter temperatures, taste and drinkability rank high on his list.

Fortunately, we were both pleased with the way the Tribute is progressing. Full carbonation and a pleasant taste thus far. Definately ligher than our other creations, but still a colorful and only slightly hoppy concoction. I wish the JB were here to enjoy it's OZ smoothness. I expect the Koala to only get better in the coming weeks. Should be at it's peak around SuperBowl time, if you smell what I'm steppin' in.

Xmas went off without a hitch. It was celebrated at mi casa this year, with Dad, Liz, Becca, and Kyle in attendance.

Kyle awarded me a $3000 check hidden in a beer stein. It is the first payment from him reimursing me for monies lent him during his schooling.

Step-mom Liz and step-sister Becca.

My pa reveals some pepper beer-bread mix. It was definitely peppery, but not that good.

Kyle finds that he has been re-gifted some toilet paper.

This seemed totally appropriate, and matched the desired color scheme.

Beer Success

2005-12-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

Fantastic news people:

Just when Blair and I had given up hope that our Noose Nectar (Porter) would ever carbonate to the point that it could be considered anything but "brown water", the impossible happened.

After weeks of incubating in the warmer temperatures of our office, and being treated to the occasional gentle shaking, the Noose Nectar was showing no significant signs of ever being a drinkable brew. Sample after sample was attempted, but no carbonation was present.

Accepting defeat, we packed the bottles home, put some in the fridge and started to mope. Eventually, I suggested that in order to free up some bottles for our next batch, we just needed to buckle down and drink the "brown water". We cracked one open, ready to perform a sort of last-rights type of ritual, when we were treated to the crisp fizzing sound of a carbonated bottle opening. We instantly locked eyes in shock and awe. I jumped back, frightened.

We poured the beer out into to glasses. There was fiz. There was bubbles. I was reminded of words uttered by a famous Australian when sampling the Dangleberry Blowout: "It's working".

After a swig, there was much rejoicing.

Due to some inexplicable laws of physics and chemistry, the Noose Nectar had finally come of age. I drank three bottles that night in celebration, and three more the next night just make sure it wasn't a fluke.

Oh,... and it's good, real good. Damn good.

But it gets better. We popped open a bottle from our third batch of homebrew, Teriyaki Frostbite tonight.

It is absolutely incredible. I am just astounded at how good it is. And I think it is going to be even better in the coming month. I am serious when I say that I would stand this stuff up against any professionally brewed micro-brew. It would compete among the best. And I made this stuff in my kitchen! Too easy!

So Blair and I think we've got this carbonation thing figured out, and now there seems to be no stopping us. The scary thing is that I can't imagine making any beer that is BETTER than what we already have, so I pray that we can keep creating these great beverages. Knock on wood.

That's all I can report for now. Koala Tribute is in bottles and, with luck, will be coming of age in the first weeks of January.

Get Serious,... Hippy

2005-12-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

Well, not much to report for the last couple weeks.

For the first time ever, Xmas will be celebrated at my house this year. I usually go to my father's home, but he finds himself between houses as he transitions to a new job in Portland. Thus, the whole crowd will be packed into my humble, cold house for the better part of a week. Wish me luck.

Most of my friends are now aware (mostly due to this blog, as twisted as that is) that I have recently broken up with my girlfriend. Now, the "set-up" game has begun. I'm supposed to be reviewing one girl's photo this week for a possible "set-up", and there is a coffee shop in town that I'm supposed to visit in hopes of meeting another young woman. The coffee shop gal sounded pretty neat from what a friend told me of her, and I'm told that after I break her up with her current boyfriend (a Division 1 wrestler), she could be all mine.

Of particular note, the infamous Koala Tribute homebrew was racked and bottled this past weekend. It shows marvelous potential in both the drinkability, fizz, foam (just the right amount), and hopefully carbonation categories. Lager is now definitely my beer of choice for winter brewing, as the yeast used in lager takes particular joy in being subjected to the relatively frigid natural temperature of my house. In fact, it won't have it any other way.
I wonder how much it would cost me to ship a bottle to JB on his big island south of the equator? Probably not a real option, sadly. Guess I'll just have to drink one for him,.... to bad, since the beer was made and named in his honor.

Also on the topic of beer: After a big more than one year, I finished my "beer card". This card is much like the old Subway Club card, where you get a stamp for each sandwich you buy and eventually get a free one. At my local pub, Suds and Suds, you do the same thing, except you get a "beer card" signed for each beer you drink on their 50 beer menu. It is officially called the "Around the World Challege" (much of the beer is foreign,... what an adventure indeed!). So I handed in my card with only one slot to go, and I was awarded my free T-shirt and given my final beer at no charge! What a deal! I probably only spent about $300 for that honor,...
Soon, my name will appear on a shiny new plaque that will be hung on the wall of the bar, along with everybody else who has ever completed the challenge. If you come a visit me, I can take you down and show it to you,... and I can get another pint signed off on my NEW card!

>>>>>>

Anyway, let's get serious here. Thus far, this blog has been a haven of silliness and narcissism, and I'd like to keep it that way. But in the interest of talking about something a bit more serious and worldly, I think I will shortly be starting a new blog. Actually, I haven't decided if this topic will warrant a new blog or not, so stay tuned and I'll let you know where to find my wild ranting when I get it ready for an internet audience.

The first item of discussion of this new blog (or whatever) will be energy conservation, a topic I got seriously interested my sophomore year of college, and one that I still preach and perform each and every day.

In truth, this new discussion will probably serve only to reveal how much of an angry, eco-hippy, out-of-touch, nutcase I truly am, and most of you will probably stop talking to me.

More later.

Adventures of the Present Tense

2005-12-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks to some friendly and much needed prodding by fellow blogger JB, I’ve taken to my keyboard to update this lonely blog. To learn more about this influential and motivational chap, check his blog at:

http://jsb178.blogspot.com

and also in my sidebar ----->

I’ve taken to my keyboard to update this lonely blog.

Recent highlights in the world of Stephens are as follows:

-JB, CAROBERT, and CAROBERT’S lovely wife visited C-town. The boys sampled Dangleberry Blowout. They frowned at the name. They seemed to enjoy the brew itself. JB dissected a Vagrant Records sampler CD with surgical precision.

-Tarika and I have chosen to separate. I am single again, a role that, for better or worse, I am very good at playing. The transition is a sad, but well rehearsed turmoil. I slowly consumed a gallon of Carlo Rossi, made Chex mix, and bought a new computer game that possess nominal entertainment value, but teaches me a lot about World War II.

-I recently saw a Led Zeppelin cover band named “Stairway Denied”. These young men do the Gods of Rock supreme justice. If you want to see a quality show and rediscover the sounds of a band from whom almost ALL heavy rock was birthed, you can check out one of their shows. One of the things that make this band great is not only the intimidating technical abilities required to imitate the skills of Plant, Jones, Bonham, and Page, but the youth and raw energy these boys posses.

http://www.stairwaydenied.com

-Two new beers have made their start in recent weeks. One new beer titled “Stella Dog Premier Red”, mastered by Mr. Don, a co-worker of mine. Blair and I helped in its creating, mostly be telling wild stories and eating Mr. Don’s food. Blair and I also mixed down a new batch of our own frothy goodness. In fact, it was created the day after my new mate, JB, paid C-town a special visit. In his honor, we are brewing an Australian Lager, which I have named “Koala Tribute”. Here’s to you bucko. -There was a false JC sighting in my living room. The “false JC” turned out to be a stained glass rendition of a dog, but it was paid appropriate homage nonetheless.

-I recently attended my company’s annual holiday party. And as usual, a handful of us that shy away from the formal scene quickly made a pilgrimage to our favorite local pub, Suds and Suds. For some, not even Suds could quench the thirst for further debauchery, so the party moved to a friend’s house for hot-tubbing, cigar smoking, guitar playing, and some other unmentionable juvenile acts. Casualties included a drowned cell phone (not mine), my eardrums, and copious amounts of pride. -My brother continues to immerse himself in the Portland open-mic comedy scene. A distance acquaintance of his posts some of his comedy and random acts of boredom on a website. I would not normally provide a link to this sort of thing (especially considering its rampant vulgarity and adolescence) but I notice that in some of his standup bits, he wears the exact same ugly, gas-station-attendant-type coat that I own and love. For that and that alone, I introduce you to David Cope at:

http://www.howicope.com/rtc.htm

My brother thinks David is a genius. I think David has an undiagnosed bipolar disorder and is the son of a professional Republican housewife with a diet pill addiction.

-I am writing a new song. It is heavily influenced by Nirvana and the Rolling Stones, so it should prove interesting at the very least, if not downright epic.

Trend Setters in the Beer Universe

2005-11-08T21:07:00.000-08:00

A new craze has been started in Corvallis. Home brewing.

It started out merely as way for Blair and me to use up our free time on a weekend and come out with a bit of beer for our efforts.

But it has become much more.

We shared our beer making adventures (and samples of our product) with others. Interest grew.

By the time our second batch had been bottled, our storytelling at work had piqued the interest of a handful of people at work. One coworker, Don, really emerged as a soon-to-be home brewing fanatic. In one whirlwind weekend, he obtained the knowledge, equipment, and ingredients to make his own batch of frothy goodness. His excitement was such that he seemed to no longer walk, but float across the ground. Don’s batch is in its secondary fermenting cycle as I type this, and he looks forward to bottling soon.

And so it came about that a group of us decided to hang out one Sunday and concoct a mutual bucket of brownish-red goodness.
The participants:
Me
Blair
Don (above left)
Jeff (our “supervisor” at work, second from left above)
Dave (co-worker, below left)
McKinzie (Dave’s significant other, below right)
Mike (local drunk, second from right, one step away from mandatory detox,..)
Tarika and her lovely dog Bogey even made a celebrity appearance halfway through the brewing process.
Everybody helped out in some small way or another, whether it was pouring ingredients into buckets, stirring, straining, shaking, drinking, eating, telling stories, or merely supervising.
At the end of a three or four hour adventure, we “pitched” the yeast in a grand ceremony and left the would-be-beer to “get its funk on”. It was religous moment, as the above photo accurately portrays.
As we looked around at the aftermath, we discovered that we had consumed more beer than we had created. Thus, balance in the beer universe was maintained.

A pleasant time was had by all, and it seems this may become somewhat of a tradition for our small, but growing group of local home brewers.

Beer making party.

That just sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Adventure from the Past: The Middle Sister Challenge

2005-10-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Oregon is great state for climbers. The Coast Range, Blue Mountains, the Steins, and of course the great Cascades all offer opportunities to climb.

One of my favorite places to climb is the Three Sister Wilderness. Two of the mountains, South and Middle Sisters, are pretty easy climbs. They’re hikes really, no ropes, no cramp-ons, no technical skills needed. With some endurance and some common sense mountain navigation, you’ll find yourself at the top of a 10,000+ ft peak!

I’ve summited Middle Sister twice now, and South Sister once. Very nice.

For me and some of my friends, the “hike” to the tops of these peaks was a good time, but not a great time. We needed something more, but there were many of us not ready for or committed to becoming technical climbers.

Enter Corley M.

Corley M. is called many things, but “Sane” is not one of them. Corley, who may or may not have had help, conceived the Middle Sister Challenge.

Don’t get this confused with the Easy Cheese Challenge. The Easy Cheese Challenge involves summiting one (or multiple) peaks on a diet of nothing but water and easy cheese.

The Middle Sister Challenge, fortunately, has no dietary restrictions. It is a race, actually, between two teams. One team starts on one side of the mountain, and the other on the opposite side. They race to the peak and then back down the opposite side, ending at the other teams starting point.

A group of six of us formed two teams. Myself, Tim, and Blair on one team. Aaron, Lexi, and Corley M. on the other.

And so it began.

My team started out at a great pace, we quickly reached the base of the mountain and started the steep ascent. At this point we were all feeling well, except for some minor blisters that had been opened up for various reasons. We covered the wounds with duct tape and continued.

The ascent started to take its toll on me. I started to feel crummy, a mixture of what I can only guess dehydration and altitude sickness. Tim charged on like a mountain got shot full of PCP. Blair and I slowly followed.

I started to cramp up in the legs, but pressed on. Tim tried to kill me with a rockslide he started. I pressed on. We summited. I was in quite a bit of pain, but managed to snap some pics and eat some food. We spent a quick 10 minutes at the top and then started down the other side.
I realized around this time that I was in fact dehydrated. We stopped about an hour later at a small mountain creek. We filled up the water bottles and bladders. I drank a bunch. I felt better. The other team (coming up the mountain) spotted us at this point and came over for a quick visit. There was much rejoicing.
We parted ways and pressed on. The sun was now set, and it started to get dark.
The next several hours were a crusade of pain and suffering. I’ll give the highlights in a bulleted list here to save time:

-We decided to leave trails behind and “bushwhack” in order to try and cut off a couple miles of distance.
-We found some neat waterfalls in the drainage system we were walking down.
-We climbed down some steep rock faces that, had we fallen, would have meant certain mutilation or even death.
-We didn’t know where exactly we were on the map after about the first hour of “bushwhacking”.
-I lost the map. We were forced to use only a compass to find the trail we had been heading for.
-We walked through marsh and got our shoes and feet soaked.
-Blair claimed several time that he wasn’t going to make it, and to leave him for the cougars. We ignored him.
-We found a trail.
-We followed the trail to the trailhead where the other team had (supposedly) parked their car.
-The car wasn’t there.
-Using Blair’s GPS, and a bit of sleuthing, we found the car.
-We drove to the other side of the mountain to where the other team was camped; I fell asleep behind the wheel as soon as we arrived.

The actual hiking part of the journey took us over 13 hours. We had gone 19 miles, with 2 extra miles of vertical thrown in for good measure. We started at about 1 in the afternoon and finished sometime around 3am.

The other team had finished with a much quicker time, and there was no question that they had won the event, no contest.

However, my team still thinks that in our bumbling, we created for ourselves an epic adventure, never to be repeated. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Blair will probably not agree with me on that part. We did almost die,…
This last picture is from a different climb that I did with Tim and two other dudes. It is unrelated, but is good picture of our South Sister summit, with Middle and North Sister behind us.

The Porter Experiement Continues

2005-10-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well, the Porter survived it's first transfer from bucket to carboy.
Blair can be seen sticking strickly to Homebrewing Rule #3 (tacky footwear).

A few more days and we commence bottling!

Adventure from the Past: Soulard Mardi Gras, 2004

2005-10-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

2004 marked my second year of Soulard Mardi Gras. I had told so many friends about the crazy antics I witnessed the year before, that my friend Sean decided to travel all the way from Oregon to join in the festivities. He was not disappointed.

There’s really not too much to the story. What I do remember is standing in line a lot for the potty. This is standard practice, except this year I had misjudged my bladder capacity, and I was in a bit a pinch. The pain was making my eyes water. As I waited in line, I realized I wasn’t going to make it. I was desperate. I left Sean and ran down the alley.
I knew full well the penalty for public urination. I was told the police keep a strict watch out for people breaking this rule. I was petrified of this as I entered the alley, thinking that I might just have to pay a ticket if it came to that.

But as I rounded the corner, my fears left me. Everywhere I looked, there were people relieving themselves. I would have problem blending in. Even if the cops showed up, they couldn’t catch us all!

So entered the back of somebody’s property, where there was actually some vegetation and dirt to soak things up. I was doing just fine, until some girl came RIGHT up next to me and squatted. That was unexpected. Her boyfriend came up on my other side and started up conversation. Unreal.
The photo above shows the parade itself. You might be able to make out a figure dressed in blue and red marching along in some 5 inch platform shoes. That is Baton Bob (the Ambassador of Mirth as he likes to call himself), local St. Louis legend and hallmark figure of the Central West End (the area of town I lived in). I acutally have an autograph of Bob, signed "The Ambassador" on the front cover of the Riverfront Times. The Riverfront Times is a local alternative newspaper that had recently chosen to photo Bob for the front cover of an issue. I think the autograph will be worth money someday when black men wearing tutus and twirling batons becomes a big thing. Check the Ambassador out at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ambassadorofmirth/

An simple internet search will also provide all sorts of stories about him.

By the end of the day, Sean had started to feel his oats, and was last seen walking down the street spreading some sort of gospel to “his subjects”. It was a fine show.
As suspected, the event turned out be just as filthy and grotesque as the year before. Sean was totally satisfied.

Adventure from the Past: Soulard Mardi Gras, 2003

2005-10-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

It was Mardi Gras in St. Louis, Soulard district, mid February. The usual suspects were involved: Myself, Dan, and the Ill-Side crowd. The only additions to our regular group were Dan’s brother, and Trutman’s sister. Their names are omitted to protect the innocent, although I certainly don’t remember meeting any “innocent” people at Soulard Mardi Gras.

My instructions from Dan were relatively simple. Wake up in the morning, and make my way towards Soulard. I would be contacted by cell-phone sometime in the morning. I showed up in Soulard at a pretty respectable time, and decided to start my own party right away. I bought a beer from a local vendor at about 9:15am.

It was snowy and cold out, as you can tell from the pictures. That didn’t stop people from losing their minds.
Cell phone contact was initiated at about 9:20, and I was given an address to go to. It wasn’t that far away, and by 9:30 I was seen approaching the rendezvous point.
The group assembled, and after a short walk we entered somebody’s apartment. I didn’t know the owners, but I think they may have been related to Trutman in some form or another. Regardless, we jammed into the place and took advantage of whatever booze and food we could find. There were already about 20 people partying in this house, so we were barely noticed. Heavy drinking commenced about 10:00.
We hung out at this house until just before 11:30. At this time, we decided it was time to go join the madness down near the official area designated for Mardi Gras.
We arrived at the parade route and merged with the wild crowd. Mr. Jim can be seen above, hoisting Trutman’s sister onto his shoulders to aid in her view of the parade. What a noble gesture it was,…
One might think that we had no access to booze at this point. Not the case. Dan’s brother kept a steady flow of some brown poison flowing into our cups. I don’t remember where all the other booze came from, but I do know that there was no shortage.

The parade was winding down at this point, so we started to wander the insane streets to look for trouble and restrooms. This must have happened around 1pm, as I can be seen above escorting our young lady friend down the street away from the parade.

Some time immediately after this, I met my friend Mary wandering the streets of Soulard. I waved goodbye to my friends as I left to hang out with Mary.
I cannot write with any accuracy about what happened to Dan and crowd at that point, so I will leave that part alone. What I do know is that sometime later that afternoon, Dan’s brother finally decided to “pull the trigger”. It is grotesque to be sure, but I decided to show the picture anyway, as a tribute to Dan’s fine photography skills. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

So there is your whirlwind virtual tour of the Soulard Mardi Gras. What cannot be accurately conveyed with these pictures or text, is the absolute insanity of this entire event. It has to be experienced to be understood. Make no mistake, if attend this event you will see some of the most vile, attrocious, nastiest acts ever performed by human being. It is RADICAL to watch!

Hippie Stuff: #1

2005-10-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

http://finance.yahoo.com/columnist/article/futureinvest/1282

Yahoo has some hired a gang of pretty smart people to write some articles for it's Finance section. I think they are pretty good. I don't really know who this guy is, but he has some interesting things to say about recent high oil & energy prices, and how it all affects our economy in the short and long term.

Adventure from the Past: Lake of the Ozarks

2005-10-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

It was Memorial Day, 2003. I was still on my tour of duty in St. Louis. Co-worker Dan and his posse from the “Ill-side” (this is one of the many St. Louis terms for great state of Illinois) were getting restless. It was time for an adventure.

Solution: Lake of Ozarks. Dan had told me some stories of this place, especially about special part of the lake, called Party Cove. His stories involved drinking, motor boats, jet-skis, nudity, white trash redneckery, and human excess in every possible form. I was frightened, but intrigued. I was all in.

Dan and crowd began the planning. Dan’s friend Ben had a boat, named “The Pony”. They washed her up, performed a tune up, and stocked the cooler with beer. On a parallel to this, Your Buddy (see my post on Bourbon Missouri for more on this colorful character) was shining up his boat to make the trip with us also. All in all, there were about 14 of us willing to put our lives at risk that weekend.

Dan and I left straight from work on a Friday (in my rental car, as was typical for our mutual adventures). Before hitting I-70 and heading west to meet our friends at the lake, we stopped at a Dirt Cheap Cigarettes Beer & Liquor store. We picked up some supplies, including a palette of Dirt Cheap Beer. The name tells the story, so I won’t even try to explain.

We had secured lodging at a hotel right on the lake, with slips to dock the boats no more than 70 feet from our hotel room door. It was a neat little setup. There was even a pool. It wasn’t quite as warm as we would have liked, so Trutman, renowned heating and cooling specialist, rigged the heat pump to kick on, unbeknownst to the owner of the establishment. Well done Trut. He also “fixed” the AC unit in our hotel room. I’m not sure what sort of benefit his constant tinkering provided. All I know is the damn thing was tore to hell the entire weekend as he tweaked it, but it was certainly in no worse shape when we left. Maybe.
That was always one of my favorite things about this group of dudes. If ANYTHING mechanical or sturctural broke down or had problems, chances were one of these guys could fix it or new somebody who could:

-Car broke down? Please, that’s an easy one. These guys could build you a new car with the crap they find in your trunk.

-Need to drive something with more than 13 gears? One of these guys probably does it for a living.

-Trying to do a project with concrete? Don't touch anything without talking to one of these guys first.

-Hotel room AC not quite powerful enough? Nothing a slight adjustment won’t fix.

-Need to pull Your Buddy’s truck out of a creek? Start the timer on your watch, and see which one of these guys shows up first with a tractor, grader, or backhoe to pull the truck out with.

In the famous words of Vanilla Ice, “Got a problem? Yo, I’ll solve it.” That was these guys. It's like hanging out with mutated versions of Luke Duke mixed with McGyever.

Back to the story.

Party Cove: Gateway to Hell. I think I was pretty accurate when I termed it, “Mardi Gras on the water”. Just like Mardi Gras, the beads-for-boobs policy is in full effect. Except here it apparently goes on year round. Don't expect any pictures here though. I've got standards. If you really want to see what this place is like, I'm sure a quick internet search will point you towards what you want to find.
The whole methodology around Party Cove is this: Boats come from all over and line up side by side in two, seemingly endless lines parallel to each other. In between these two rows of boats, other boats and jet-skis “cruise”. Water spraying, drinking, showing off one’s privates,… these seem to be the popular activities. You ask if this is a family establishment? Sure. The couple parked next to our boat brought their three young children and cooked hotdogs. It’s just good clean family fun.

“Daddy, Mommy lost her shirt!”
“Just eat your hotdog Bobby”
“But you spilled cigarette ashes on it Daddy,…it tastes like Mommy’s breath”
“Here, have some of Daddy’s beer to wash that out with,..”

Random Note: To the right you will see a photo of a man we called "Stuke". I think his last name was Stukenberg or something like that. I have no idea what his real name is. There is so much to say about this picture,... I will just let you think of something for yourself.

The water itself in and around Party Cove could probably have eaten through stainless steel. It’s not so much water as it is a mixture of oil, gasoline, vomit, booze, cigarette butts, and urine, with a thin layer of pride floating on the top.
Pride you ask? That’s right, because most people that come to Party Cove leave what little pride they had behind when they leave.
Below the water? It’s not pretty. If you could actually see through the oil slick, you’d find smashed jet-skis, sunken boats, beer bottles and cans, and bodies. Oh, and probably some catfish. Catfish can live in anything I think. Just getting to the Cove can be a challenge for some. On our cruise to the Cove, The Pony had some trouble navigating some wake of another boat at one point. We took on some water. Dan was at ground zero of the water coming into the boat (see above). He was a bit chilly for a few minutes, but he rallied like a trooper.

Aside from the insanity of Party Cove, we did have some other good times. We grilled brats and corn on the cob one afternoon, drove some go-karts at three different places in town, and enjoyed a night out at some bars that you could drive your boat to. At one of the bars (above) you can see Chris, Dan, and Trutman looking sharp and sipping some drinks. Trutman can be seen flashing some sort of Ill-Side gang symbol.

It was a weekend packed with excitement (danger) every single second. I was just happy to live to tell the tale.

197 Miles, Chocolate Kisses, and a Blowup-Sheep

2005-10-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

Once a year in late August, 12000+ runners gather at Timberline Lodge, on the edge of Mt. Hood, the tallest mountain in Oregon. Over the course of more than 8 hours, 1000 teams, each with 12 members, embark on a 197 mile relay race ending at the beach in Seaside, Oregon. This is the Hood to Coast Relay.

Each person gets to run approximately 16.5 miles on three separate 5.5 mile runs. This is a race of epic proportions, no doubt about that. If all the numbers sound big, it’s because they are.

You’d better bring your A-game kiddos. If you slacked on your training or push it too hard on your first leg of this race, get ready to play the pain game. I’ve managed to pretty much cripple myself in the race on a couple of occasions. The adrenaline got to me, I went to fast and too hard, and I was (for all intents and purposes) paralyzed for three or four days following the event.

But the reward is always worth it, despite any temporary paralysis one might suffer. You get a keen little medal, photos with which to re-live the glory, and some radical memories. I have seen some crazy stuff in the race, and something new and unexpected happens every year. I once saw Robert (below righht) run his third and final leg, walk 30 feet, spy a bratwurst stand, and immediately consume TWO onion laden dogs. He may not clock the quickest mile time, but that is impressive.

For the last few years, I've run with a group of people from work. Our team name is “CH2M Hill Free Chocolate”, and we live up to the name. Hershey’s Kisses fly from the windows of our vans at runners, spectators, volunteers, and anybody else within throwing range. Nobody gets away from us without at least being offered some chocolate goodness. You can see from photo below that we even fastened an enlarged Kiss to the top of our vans this last year so people could recognize us. Thanks for the craftsmanship Robert,.. We are becoming quite famous it turns out. Teams recognize us and remember the free chocolate we handed out in past years. Some people see the van and come running for their free chocolate handout.

Speaking of famous, Kerry (above left), was quite popular during this year's race, as she was found to have a sizeable male entourage following her along the course. We kept track of her suitors on the side of the van (below). Rest assured the tick marks numbered well into the double digits by the end of the race.

And you would be surprised how much free stuff people want to give to us in return for chocolate handouts! I have personally received a water bottle, Frisbee, Rockstar energy drink, friendship bracelet, and my personal favorite, a Corona. And our “Kiss for a Kiss” policy is always in effect. You give us a kiss, and we give you one in return, *wink*. No takers yet, although we get closer each year as our reputation grows.

A big part of the race is van decoration. Each team has two vans, 6 runners per van. Sometimes similar decorative themes on the two team vans can help with identification at major exchange points. Mostly the artwork is just to get attention. The amount of explicit van decorations (blowup dolls, blowup sheep, undergarments, prophylactics, suggestive material, and flat out nudity) got to a bit much a couple years ago, so race officials had to tone it down this year. This was disappointing to some, but ultimately appropriate. Although I will miss that blowup sheep. Two years ago I deposited a Kiss “in” the sheep (it was strapped to the top of another team's van),… you know, anatomically correct and all that. This year, the same team (with the blowup sheep once again riding high atop their van) spotted our van and figured out that the Kiss from last year must have been our doing. I confessed to the whole thing; Everybody found it very funny. We laughed, told stories, and then continued on our death march towards the coast. See how blowup sheep and chocolate bring people together?

This is a strange race for sure. It takes it's toll on people. Below, one of our teamates, Bill, catches a few moments of sleep in a field. Make no mistake, he is a tough runner, and a champion swimmer I've heard. Even he gets beat up in this trek.

But if you can finish this thing, a massive party awaits you Seaside. Live music, food, ceremony, awards, the exciting nightlife of downtown Seaside, etc. Below, you can see Blair enjoying some much deserved brew after completion of his very first Hood to Coast. The stoic Chris Burr sits next to him, enjoying the sunset from a perch in the beer garden.I have run in the Hood to Coast Relay four or five times now. My first race was in 1998, and every year that I am in Oregon, I try to do it again. In fact, I just sent out our team's $1080 entrance fee check to sign up again for 2006.

So if you have the guts, the grit, and the desire to abuse your body for 24+ hours, I’ll see you out on the open road in late August. Just ask around for free chocolate and people will point you my way.

Blog Expansion

2005-10-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

I was forced to return to the dreaded world of HTML today, as I explored the source code for the template upon which this blog was created. I only wanted to add some links, but quickly realized there was so much more to be tweaked. Writing code is the reason I dropped computer engineering back in college, opting instead to pursue regular old power electrical engineering, rife with hippie delusions of alternative energy and saving the world,.. but that's another story.

So keep on the lookout for some streamlining and tweaking of this site. In the meantime, check out my modest list of links to the right.

carobert - What's on this guy's mind? Find out at carobert.com. Don't miss his song of the day, especially if there are downloads available. It's one of my main sources for new and interesting music to sample.

Uncle Bomb - His brilliant mind collapsed on itself. See the genious he left behind here.

Darkside - My new cinema of choice in C-town.

Danya Ozmore - Stepsister veteran turned writer.

I'm hoping my brother will soon start to post some of his thoughts and comedy on the web for us all to enjoy.

Bless the little man

2005-10-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Tarika and I went to see movie tonight. We saw "March of the Penguins", a documentary of sorts, narrated by Morgan Freeman. It was cute, educational, and brilliantly filmed in my opinion.

We didn't go to just any cinema to see this film. We went to the Darkside.

No,… I didn’t have to join Vader on this one. My light saber is still green.

The Darkside's name is probably one best explained by its owner, a local entrepreneur, but I’ll give it a shot. Basically, it is right across from an older, closed down theater called the Whiteside. So as a tribute to that historic venue, and no doubt to reel in a few Star Wars geeks (myself included), the Darkside was born.

How exactly the Darkside fits into the movie business is beyond me. Basically, it plays really obscure films that generally aren’t showed at the big Regals, Carmikes, and the like. Once in awhile you will see some crossover, that is, the same movie played at the big cinemas and the Darkside, but the owner of the Darkside previews and handpicks every movie that gets played there.

To be honest, this is the first time I have been to the Darkside. I’ve known about it for over a year now and have been meaning to go, but,….you know. There is even a similar theater in town, the Avalon, owned by the same guy. It was a cozy little place, only four screens. There are funny signs and decorations all around, and a definite, counter culture/liberal college theme going on. I liked it.

I have to applaud the owner/operator of Darkside. He plays what he wants, charges what he wants (it is a fair price), does what he wants, lays on the sarcasm real thick (see the websites), and makes a clean getaway. And the films he is showing are GOOD, I think. None of the spoon-fed drivel that is being slung at you at the big cinemas.

So if you are ever in Corvallis and want to catch a flick,..

Come to the Darkside.

I am your father. We can rule the galaxy together.

http://www.darksidecinema.com/

http://www.avaloncinema.com/index.php

Adventure from the Past: Chicago

2005-10-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

I was working in St. Louis in October of 2003. I got bored one weekend. I loaded some pals up in the rental car and went to Chicago. It was just that easy.

Ok, it wasn’t THAT easy, but it was close. There were engineers involved this adventure, so in reality a spontaneous trip to Chicago was never going to just “happen”. This three day, two night trip required weeks, if not months of careful planning.

But the day arrived, and we took off. Three of us drove my rental up: myself, Dan (above), and Mr. Jim. Chris and Trutman joined us at the downtown motel on the second night.

We arrived at the windy city and set up shop. We crashed at an inexpensive, cozy hotel downtown. It was more than adequate. And the view wasn’t so bad either. There was a spa and sauna that we took full advantage of.

Before we hit the sack, we tried some pizza at some famous place named Gino’s. I don’t know why it was so famous, except for maybe an incredibly long wait for our one, expensive, mediocre pizza.

Chicago Cool Factor: -1

The first full we day we had was packed full of site seeing. We first rambled toward Navy Pier. There was a plethora of photo opportunities on the various landmarks, statues, exhibits, and oddities. One such photo can be seen to the right.

Chicago Cool Factor: +1

Inside were many restaurants, and even more art, mostly relating to Chicago history. There were also some shops (lame) and a mini carnival type environment on the lake side.

We began our stroll south, with some vague destinations in mind. It started to rain. We continued, winding our way underneath interstate highways and the fascinating multistory street system that exists in part of Chicago. After wandering through a construction site, and getting lost in a parking garage, we emerged in the back of some sort of bank, and quickly escaped out the front door, amid the sceptacle eyes of employees.

After emerging from the underworld, we were treated to a fantastic facade of buildings lined up in row. Above, Mr. Jim and I look between some of the buildings.

We found the fountain featured in the intro to the “Married with Children” sitcom. You can see it below.
Chicago Cool Factor: +1

We went to the aquarium next. It was neat, but the biggest exhibit (featuring a killer whale or some such monstrous sea creature) was closed.

Chicago Cool Factor: -1

Next was some sort of museum with lots of dead animals. It was nominally entertaining. No cool factor points here, but none subtracted either.

Dusk was approaching and we made our way back to the hotel. The beer supply was tapped, and tapped hard.

My sources tell me that we went to get some food at some point. Dan ordered a cheeseburger for me. I was having trouble reading and talking.

After waking up in the bathtub hours later, I found that Chris and Trutman had arrived. We left the hotel and hiked around looking nervously at girls and puffing our chests out. We arrived at a bar at some point and I think we played some pool. Trutman may have been cougar hunting.

After some much needed sleep, we began a new day of adventure.
First, it was up to the top of the Hancock building, the second tallest building in Chicago next to the Sears Tower (which can be seen above, in the photo taken from the Hancock building). It was a grand view. I couldn’t believe how many buildings had a swimming pool on the roof!

Chicago Cool Factor: +2
Then, we walked down the shore of Lake Michigan for awhile. It was pleasant.

Chicago Cool Factor: +1

We then hopped the “L” to travel south towards the Museum of Science and Technology. Navigation was sketchy, but after traveling through some rough looking neighborhoods, we figured it was time get off.

We had gone too far south. We were in “South Chicago”. We were the only white people around. I tried to maintain my cool. My friends looked horrified and frightened out of their minds.

Chicago Cool Factor: -1

A plump local asked Trutman if we were lost and where we wanted to be. We told her we were going to the science museum. She said we were pretty far away. I think she was hitting on Trutman. She gave us directions. We ran in the direction she pointed (not my idea).

After at least a couple miles of running/walking through some dilapidated neighborhoods, we arrived at the museum. There was lots of cool stuff, including a submarine. My friends’ favorite exhibit was the one focused on agriculture, with a massive combine and tractor type device as the centerpieces. We frolicked for about an hour on the equipment, like little kids at the playground. Chris and Dan get their kicks in the picture above.

Chicago Cool Factor: +2
We boarded the “L” and headed back towards our hotel. Lunch/dinner was at Ed Debevic’s, a retro 50’s style place where the help is known for their in your face attitude and wild antics. There is music and often dancing. The waitresses/waiters were clever indeed, but I feel we matched wits with them pretty well. Nonetheless, the food was good and atmosphere was fun.

Chicago Cool Factor: +1

After a regrouping at the motel, we boarded the train again and headed to Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs.

We wandered around the stadium (the Cubs were playing the Florida Marlins that night I believe) and by the time we had made a complete the circle, the Cubs had lost. We bar hopped for awhile and then returned to the hotel, exhausted and satisfied. I was amazed at how hard so many people partied after the Cub's loss. It is scary to think what they would have done if the Cubs had won,... maybe burn a building down or flip some cars over?

Chicago Cool Factor: +1

The next day we did some other minor exploring and then drove back to Southern Illinois and St. Louis. Mission accomplished.

Total Chicago Cool Factor: +7

Adventure from the Past: Bourbon, Missouri

2005-10-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Bourbon, Missouri. The name is enough to keep the respectable, God-fearing people away. I went there with some friends from southern Illinois during my tour of duty in St. Louis.

It was Spring Break, 2003. What was the motive behind this mission into the backwoods of central Missouri?

Answer: It was in the middle of nowhere, so there were NO rules.

The plan was to stay at a friend’s (Tim) cabin, on a huge hunk of land his family owned. Above, Tim eyes me suspiciously as I strum my lute, no doubt wondering what kind of hippie he had let come along. In the picture below you can see the cabin itself.
There would be beer, and many, many all-terrain vehicles. That was about the extent of the plan, and my friends were almost losing their minds for the anticipation. The plan didn’t impress me too much to be frank, but I'm not one to miss adventures, so I whole heartedly signed up. Thankfully the rednecks that showed up performed some of the most self-destructive acts I have ever seen. That made the weekend interesting.
I won’t go into too many details on the weekend. You’ve heard all the stories before anyway.

But,..

The highlight of the adventure was when a certain individual, who I will call “Your Buddy” showed up about 10:30 pm the first night. Those of us already at the cabin could here them coming for miles. Screaming, honking, engine reving,… I could almost smell the alcohol on their breath wafting down the valley.

We saw the headlights turn down the “driveway” on the other side of a creek. Then, we saw the headlights go INTO the creek. Your Buddy was attempting to make the most grand and redneck of arrivals at the party by driving down the shallow creek bed. Oh, he was also hauling a trailer loaded down with three ATVs. No big deal.

Long story short, he didn’t make it too far in the creek, and the truck had to sit in the water all night till we eventually got it hauled out the next day.

The only other eventful thing for me that weekend was a new drinking game I learned. Power Hour. First you make a mix tape of some good drinking songs. AC/DC is a favorite of mine, but anything that people can sing along with works well. Each song only plays for a minute. At the end of each minute, you take a gulp of beer. It’s a great game to play if you want to jump around and sing songs like a crazy, which I did that night. A perfect collaboration of beer and music in my opinion.

The night after the Power Hour adventure, I am seen below munching my Cinnabons and tending the fire. If I look pretty rough, it's because I was. You have to pay to play.

Finally, some talk about beer

2005-10-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

Blair (roommate) and I had a conversation recently concerning the fact that there isn’t enough beer in the world. Fortunately, Blair had realized this atrocity years ago, and had attempted to put things to balance by making his own beer.

However, in recent years his motivation had been waning, partially due to some brewing projects with poor outcomes. His most recent solo attempt, Goat Scrotum Ale (all homebrewed beer has weird names,… more on that later) was only mildly tolerable and lacked “that certain special something”. It was later discovered that the “something” was flavor and any sort of distinguishable character. It was beer, but just barely. I tried one of the last bottles of the GSA. I didn’t think it was as bad as Blair claimed it was. In fact, it was just good enough (i.e. had enough alcohol in it) that I reckoned we could at LEAST recreate a beer of similar quality,… maybe even better.

Charged with the enthusiasm of youth (me), we agreed to concoct a mutual batch. Blair decided that summer wheat/ hefeweizen ale was the way to go. It was also decided that local ripening blackberries would be introduced into mix.

So Blair dusted off and bleached down all the old equipment: Buckets, Carboys, percolators, thermometers, strainers, tubes, tubs, etc. Whilst he did most of the actual work at the start, I started to think about what we might name this beast of a brew, which leads us to,..

Homebrew Rule #1: All beer is given a clever and meaningful name.

As far as I know, this rule came from my dad, but he may just be carrying on some ancient tradition that I’m not aware of. Regardless, it is absolutely critical that the brew have a clever name, at least to those involved in the creation.

Blair soon acquired the necessary ingredients, and we set about the brewing.

I had no idea what was going on. I told Blair as much.

So he stepped me through it, one hazy, ill-interpreted instruction at a time. After each step I would ask Blair what we did next. There was usually a long pause, a swig of beer (previously bought or made), and then some sort of answer that was clearly made up on the spot. Which gives us two more rules,…

Homebrew Rule #2: It takes beer to make beer. No beer shall be made without the consumptive sacrifice of other beer. (All this fancy wording really just means that you drink beer while you make beer)

Homebrew Rule #3: No two beer making processes shall be the same, even if the exact same beer is being made. Those who break this rule will end up with a consistent product, which is boring and ridiculous.

It was clear to me that we were following Rule #3 to the letter. I know this because I came up with some ideas on how to do certain things, (like this crazy rig to the left) and Blair would say, “Hey, that sounds good. I never thought of that.” It was kind of scary, but thrilling at the same time. Two engineers proceeding with no real set plan in the beginning would normally lead to a coma-resultant panic attack. Thankfully, the beer input into our systems was allowing us to hold it together for now.

Then, disaster struck.

In one part of the process, you have to throw a bunch of malt (grainy looking stuff) into water and let it boil for awhile. Now, you don’t really want this chunky stuff in your final product, so you can put it in a mesh bag and “dangle” it into the boiling water. Think of a teabag going into tea. Same deal. You want the flavor of the tea leaves, but not the chunks.

Sadly, our mesh bag “dangled” a little to low in the tub, and eventually a hole was burned through the bottom of it. Malt grains permeated the mixture.

This wasn’t the end of the world it turned out, just a massive pain in the rear. After the boiling stage, we had to double and even triple filter the entire batch through tiny screens to get the slop out. You can see Blair accomplishing that exact task, which took about an hour.
The major work was done now, so we sealed up the would-be brew and let it “do its business”. A couple days later, our wounded mesh bag temporarily repaired, we “dangled” a couple pounds of fresh blackberries into the mix. After a few days of that, we extracted said berries and let the brew fester for a few more weeks. Finally, we bottled the lot and let it carbonate.

At this point, the name of this beer came to me: DangleBerrry Blowout.

Why? Because we “dangled” “berries” into the sauce at one point, and we had a “blowout” of the mesh bag at one point.
Also, the word “dangleberry” closely resembles another, not so pleasant word,…and that is just funny.

Here is something else funny,..

Homebrew Rule #4: Tacky foot apparel is a must for homebrewing.
Just look at the pictures. It’s pretty obvious that we took this rule seriously. In fact, Blair earns bonus points in my book for wearing the strangest boots/slippers/galoshes I have ever seen.

I am happy to report that we recently sampled the experiment, with good results. Blair seemed very surprised that it turned out so well. I was pleased we hadn’t ruined it with our antics, but vowed to do better. We both agreed it was better than GSA.

So, with enthusiasm high, we started a second batch this weekend. It will be a Porter, yet to be named. This time, an even more complicated brewing process seemed to go a little more smoothly than the first round, so maybe that is a good sign.
I hope to learn many of the brewing secrets from Blair in our time together, and maybe someday do my own homebrewing. It just seems like a cool thing to be able to do. And I’m a cool guy, so it just seems like a good fit.

Adventure from the Past: Alaska

2005-10-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

I went to Alaska in the summer of 2005. I traveled with my girlfriend Tarika and her family. We drove all the way from Milton-Freewater, Oregon to Fairbanks, Alaska and back again, with many detours along the way. The trip lasted for three weeks. Tarika’s parents purchased a used RV just for the trip.

There were six of us total, and two dogs. In the picture above, we are, from left to right: Me, Tarika, Mike, Mars, Bogey (dog), Graham, Django (dog), and Jill.

We climbed into the mountains, swam in the lakes, paddled canoes and kayaks in rivers and oceans, rode mountain bikes on trails, fished, hiked, and more. It was a non-stop outdoor experience. With the exception of a digital camera, I was able to totally unplug and unwind.

On a warm bike ride one day outside of Valdez, (notorious for the massive Exxon oil spill) we stopped and played in this waterfall and pool below.

I ate wonderful food the entire time (as I always do when I’m with Tarika’s family). Those that know me well, know that I enjoy to eat. One night in Valdez, Alaska, we caught some pink salmon (with our bare hands!), and had it in our bellies (via fish tacos) only 45 minutes later. Doesn’t get much fresher than that eh?
Tarika’s parents own and operate a small wine grape vineyard on their property in Milton-Freewater, so naturally they come stocked with a pleasant blend purchased wine, and a some wine that is made from their grapes. That, and a constant supply of Busch, kept the party going non-stop. Below, you can see us sipping some fantastic red wine along with our dinner of Putaneska.
Ryan’s favorite foods of the trip:
-Polenta (ground corn cooked to an oatmeal-like texture) and eggs.
-Lentil soup with seasoned oyster crackers.
-Homemade Chex mix
-Sausage, cracker, and cheese lunch
-Putaneska (sp?)
I can only show a handful of pictures here, and you will notice they are mostly of me. There are two reasons for this.

1. If you want to see GOOD pictures of Alaska/Canada and its wildlife, you can just find them on the Internet. I won’t waste too much of your time here with that stuff. Just enough to prove to you I was there.

2. This is my blog, and if you are reading this, I am assuming it is because you are interested me. Narcissistic? Vain? Probably.
I was impressed with the amount of wildlife we saw. Stone sheep, moose, caribou, bear, fox, birds, deer,… and mosquitoes.I didn’t really expect to actually be able to view all the fauna that we saw. What luck!
Traveling in summertime in the North Country was meteorologically fascinating to me. We didn’t have to get too far north until it never quite got completely dark at nighttime. The days got longer and longer. We eventually reached nearly 65 degrees north latitude near Fairbanks, where the sunset and sunrise seemed to each last for an hour, and the night was no darker than an average dusk. It was also warm, a steady 70 deg F everyday it seemed. You can see from the picture below how comfortable I was with no shirt. This was taken at Flower Springs Lake, at 5000 ft elevation in BC, on a cloudy day.
I took a lot of pictures, so make sure to check my artsy fartsy picture blog entry at a later date. There are some that are really neat. I’m sure everybody will love them!

Adventure from the Past: Baja, Mexico

2005-10-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

I went on a trip to Baja once. It was near Spring Break in the year 2003. I went with friends from college. Corley and Tim the kiteboarding duo, Danielle, Corley's significant at the time and general good time party girl, and Doug and Carmen, the adventurous couple with so much cool, they could sell it on the streets.

In the first picture above, we are: Tim, me, Corley, Danielle, Carmen, Doug.

We packed up in a Ford Ranger and a Honda Passport and drove south. Sacramento, San Fran, LA, San Diego, US/Mexicoborder, and then Baja, wide open in front of us. Our plan was to camp the entire time, mostly on beaches, and reach the southern tip of Baja (the infamous party town, Cabo San Lucas), and then make the round trip home.

Danielle had spent some time in Spain, which automatically qualified her for the position of communications officer. Carmen and Doug knew enough to be dangerous, so that helped too. Tim, Corley, and I were helpless. I relied heavily on good looks and booze to aid me in foreign relations.

So many adventures were had; it would take months to catalog. We kiteboarded in E. Coli infested waters, did some scuba diving, paddled around to different islands in the Sea of Cortez, drank steadily, dominated the beach volleyball scene at Cabo, ate like local kings at every meal, and even met a bona fide working girl! Tim remembers how soft her hands where when she introduced herself. Never trust a girl running down the highway in the middle of the night in heels.

There were constant federal checkpoints along the highway, about every 80 km. Each one was the same, a small horde of short men in camo, literally dragging M16 machine guns along the ground behind them, asking the same questions. Where are we going? Where did we come from? How much marijuana do we have? This last question was always asked once they got a good look at Tim and me. Tim and I had decided buy all new clothes for the journey. It was all purchased as Goodwill, with a $45 self imposed spending limit. We looked pretty rough. The infrequent showering may have also contributed to our gruesome demeanor.

The total trip involved over 5000 miles of driving over the course of thee weeks. It was an epic endeavor.

I would love to go back to Baja someday on a similar adventure, but with so many other places to go, who knows if I will ever go back? Has Baja seen the last of me? At least with these pictures, I haven't seen the last of Baja,...

I leave you with this last picture, a spectacular kite jump I performed in front of a crowd of local children (not seen here) along the Sea of Cortez, near La Paz. I have never been so popular.

2005-09-29T16:22:00.000-07:00

The subject

In the beginning,...

2005-09-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

Blogger.com eh? I will try this. Seems like a good way to keep my people up to date on my adventures.

This first posting is mostly a test and has no real content. I hope to write much more here in the future. There will also (hopefully) be a posting of many pictures to aid in my story telling.

For now, I leave you with this haunting picture, and a personal guarantee of more horrifying images to come,..

sr